2023 Halloween Marathon: Week 9 Reviews

Check out the full schedule for our horror movie marathon here.

*The Exorcist: Believer (2023) – 5/10 – This was better than I ever could’ve expected it to be. I think the story is good, and I liked the thought process of just having a bunch of random people around to help and see what works. That’s probably the best way to do it. I also liked the idea of making people choose who survives. Maybe I’m not the smartest about this stuff, but if the demon was literally just playing a sick game with them the whole time, that at least seems like a purpose or a motive to me. Will I watch this again? I don’t know. Will I watch the inevitable sequel? Definitely.

*When Evil Lurks (2023) – 7/10 – This was crazy. I don’t know if a second viewing would increase or decrease my rating, but I’m leaning toward increase. There is a lot to unpack as you try to decide if this is more like a zombie situation or a virus outbreak or what. The characters are constantly put in situations that make The Mist’s ending almost seem normal, which is saying a lot. This was another one that had been building up a buzz over the last few months and thankfully managed to live up to it.

*Five Nights at Freddy’s (2023) – 5/10 – This was fine. It’s probably perfect for its intended audience. As someone who admittedly knows very little about the game (I played it a few times with the kids when it was new), I didn’t feel like it was tied to the source nearly enough, and I don’t think I’m alone in that. I also really thought I’d see more about things like pizza and video games and tickets and prizes. I don’t know. That’s the stuff I think of when I think about Showbiz and Chuck E. Cheese. There was a lot of room for fun stuff like that, and maybe they’ll add more of those little things in the (once again) inevitable sequel. Make it fun.

* = first watch

Thanks to everyone who followed along and especially to those who suggested films this year!

2023 Halloween Marathon: Week 8 Reviews

Check out the full schedule for our horror movie marathon here.

*Silent Madness (1984) – 4/10 – This was so close to being OK, and it has a lot of things that the “classics” have, but it ultimately falls a little short. It’s definitely a fun slasher at times. And I loved the computer stuff in the beginning. But it’s just too slow and doesn’t have enough in between the slow parts to really be memorable. And I don’t know if we just know so much about slashers now, but the ending was clear from pretty early on. Yet apparently it was supposed to be a twist, and I had no idea. I assumed we’d basically been told about the “twist,” but I guess back then, if it wasn’t completely spelled out, the audience could be tricked.

The Craft (1996) – 8/10 – Another one that I haven’t seen in a while, and it was a lot of fun. The soundtrack makes me want to go to a 9, honestly. Let’s call this an 8.5.

Demons 2 (1986) – 5/10 – This was the first film in Joe Bob’s Helloween special, which was a lot of fun, as expected. Maybe the best Halloween episode since 2019. But the demons here are really just zombies, guys. Still, similar to The Craft, we HAVE to add points for the soundtrack. This is more like a 3.5 for me, until you factor in the killer tracks by The Smiths, The Cult, Love and Rockets, and others. Up next was…

All Hallows’ Eve (2013) – 2/10 – I’m sorry. I know it’s SO uncool for me to say this in 2023… but I just don’t get Art the Clown. Darcy and Joe Bob (and everyone else) are ready to call him an icon, and I just don’t care. People aren’t really scared of clowns. They’re scared of psychos who happen to be dressed as clowns. And Art just bores me. I could go 3 or 4 out of 10 for the Terrifier movies, but the middle segment in this film is beyond boring.

* = first watch

Note: The final films for our TBA weekend will be The Exorcist: Believer (2023) and When Evil Lurks (2023).

2023 Halloween Marathon: Week 7 Reviews

Check out the full schedule for our horror movie marathon here.

Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981), Part VI (1986) – 10/10 – It was a busy weekend with House of Usher and everything else we wanted to watch, so I just went with two favorites on Friday the 13th.

*The Fall of the House of Usher (2023) – 9/10 – This was nearly perfect. I had no idea where Flanagan was going to go with it, and while a lot had to be added to the story of course, almost everything comes from Poe’s work. I’d read a lot of the stories within the last 5-10 years, but there are some that I haven’t read in a long time. Still, because I’m so familiar with a lot of it, I could start to predict some of the story, and that was when it was most fun. But I feel like I need to read it all again to be able to fully appreciate the series. That being said, I think the show would still be pretty great if you’d never read a word of Poe.

Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948) – 9/10 – Svengoolie’s first film this weekend. This is in my top five Universal monster films.

*Totally Killer (2023) – 9/10 – I was ready for a letdown after seeing so many people talk about this one the last couple of weeks, but they were all right. It’s great. I think they missed a few ’80s jokes (but nailed a bunch) and probably missed a few things to add to the time travel aspect, although I think they were aware of a thin margin between inspiration and just straight up ripping off Back to the Future. I loved it, and I hope there’s a sequel.

*The Wrath of Becky (2023) – 8/10 – This was also a lot of fun. I liked the first one (probably a 7/10), and this sequel just ramps it up. Apparently they’re planning a third one now, and I can’t wait. I would take Becky against John Wick and all of the Expendables put together.

*Final Summer (2023) – 8/10 – Guys, they did it! We have to sit through so many of these ’80s/’90s “throwbacks” just to find one that is worth watching. And this is the one. This looks good, it sounds good, the acting is fine, and it has original music (both score and soundtrack) that doesn’t sound like garbage. Movies like this one make it seem like it shouldn’t be so hard, but for some reason, everyone always messes it up. Here we get a simple legend, a remote location, and filmmakers who get the absolute best production quality for their budget. There are great references to the time period without being overbearing (yes, PLEASE do not play “More Than Words” on that guitar!), yet it’s also timeless and evergreen enough that it doesn’t matter when the story is taking place, which is how it should be.

*They Wait in the Dark (2022) – 8/10 – Director Patrick Rea and I go back to my horror podcast days, and I love all of his films. He manages to do a lot with small budgets and always brings something unique to the table. This one is a slow monster revenge story that utilizes some pretty good acting while constantly building suspense. Ultimately it peaks with the kind of dark horror that Patrick delivers every time, but it has a little fun along the way too.

*Never Hike Alone 2 (2023) – 7/10 – These guys do crowdfunded Friday the 13th fan films that are completely free to stream, and they do a really good job. The production and cinematography are better than a lot of ’80s slashers that we love.

*Suburban Screams, “Kelly” (2023) – 5/10 – I was really excited about John Carpenter’s return, but this was kind of disappointing. It’s a lot like Unsolved Mysteries, but more on the horror side of course. There are times where the Carpenter music really stands out, but overall it’s nothing special. I’ll likely still watch the other episodes, and it looks like I may enjoy some of the other stories more.

* = first watch

2023 Halloween Marathon: Week 6 Reviews

Check out the full schedule for our horror movie marathon here.

The Gate (1987) – 8/10 – When I was a kid, I used to look for “gates” in random parks and stuff around my town. I even had a little bible in my backpack, just in case I needed it to close a gate. Now, however, I just want a Sacrifyx record.

*V/H/S/85 (2023) – 3/10 – I have not liked any of the VHS films, but I gave this one a shot because one of the segments is directed by Scott Derrickson, who did Sinister and Black Phone. The frame story here is not very good, and I didn’t enjoy the second and third shorts at all. However, the first and fourth segments (related shorts, both directed by Mike P. Nelson) are actually pretty good. Then Derrickson’s, saved for last, is OK as well. Additionally, the commercials and stuff are pretty fun, although the WNUF Halloween Special did it better. The thing that confused me the most about the format is that we’re supposed to believe all of these things were filmed on the same cassette. I don’t get how that’s possible in any world. Other problems: this isn’t completely “found footage,” not everyone had video cameras at home in 1985, and when they did, they definitely sound anything like this.

*Haunted Mansion (2023) – 8/10 – This was as good as we could hope for, I think, and I like it a lot more than the Eddie Murphy movie. Having it take place in New Orleans bumps it up a bit for me, of course. But I also have to say, it’s just toooooo long. We have pitch clocks in baseball, and Disney is making movies longer than two hours? Also, I’d love a legitimate horror version of this. Or maybe that’s just 13 Ghosts.

*Ouija Witch (2023) – 2/10 – Every now and then I relive my horror podcast days and do this to myself. I made it through this thing (while working on some other stuff), so I’ll give it a 2. But I’m gonna waste time here writing about it. Just know you shouldn’t watch it or anything.

* = first watch

2023 Halloween Marathon: Week 5 Reviews

Check out the full schedule for our horror movie marathon here.

Cube (1997) – 7/10 – My main complaint with this movie is just that it feels too much like the Canadian TV stuff from this period and not enough like a feature film. But I definitely like it, and I probably like it more than Saw. Of course, I don’t know nearly enough about math to know if any of the number stuff is legit, so I just have to trust them like a big dummy. Why can’t we ever get a grammar nerd psycho who makes people diagram a sentence to escape? (Thanks to King Richard for the pick!)

Cube 2: Hypercube (2002) – 3/10 – To be fair to King Richard, he only picked the first Cube for this weekend. I was the idiot who added Cube 2 in an effort to revisit it, hoping it wasn’t as bad as I’d remembered. So that’s my fault. But I was thinking, they really should’ve gotten Ice Cube to be in one of these things, right?

*Deliver Us (2023) – 5/10 – A pregnant nun believes she is carrying both the messiah and the devil (or something like that), and a Jesuit priest has to help her escape. I usually hate this stuff, but this was OK! I actually really liked it at times, especially when it’s almost a slasher, but then there are parts where it falls flat, as expected. But there’s a version somewhere in here that could be a 7 or 8 for me, which is saying a lot.

*All Fun and Games (2023) – 5/10 – This demon possession film set in Salem features some pretty good actors, including Annabeth Gish and kids from Stranger Things, Bly Manor, The Pope’s Exorcist, and others. Factor in the short run time (76 minutes), and it’s worth a watch.

*Killer Kites (2023) – I can’t really rate this because it’s not just a horror film. It’s more of a warning about the dangers of flying kites, specifically evil kites, you know? And for that, it’s a 10/10. Don’t watch it because I say it’s fun. Watch it because it might save you one day.

*Slotherhouse (2023) – 2/10 – OK, this was bad. Obviously, no one expected it to be good, but it’s just really dumb. The sloth drives, browses the web, and takes selfies. For 93 minutes! The kills are “fine” (it’s a PG-13, so don’t even expect good slasher kills), but it could’ve been way better as a 20-minute short. If you want something crazy and funny, Killer Kites is better than this. Things I said out loud while watching it: “We’re only 15 minutes into this thing?” “It’s only halfway over?” “There are STILL 20 minutes left?”

* = first watch

Update: This weekend’s Shudder picks will be The Gate (1987) and V/H/S/85 (2023). We’ll also watch Haunted Mansion (2023) and a bunch more.