December | 2023 | Snow in Southtown Christmas Podcast

This interview with Linus was featured in our latest zine, which hit mailboxes this week. We hope everyone has a great Christmas! If you’re interested in receiving future zines, be sure to reach out to us.

Linus van Pelt is best known as Charlie Brown’s best friend in the Peanuts comic strips and specials. He is generally considered to be a good guy, and his Peanuts wiki describes him as “kind” and “caring.” But… is he? After taking a closer look at some of the evidence, we had some tough questions for Linus to answer.

Snow in Southtown: Thanks for joining us, Linus. I know some of this might be tough to discuss, and I appreciate that you’re here to at least tell your side. But here at Snow in Southtown, a hard-hitting true crime kind of podcast, we’ve uncovered some crucial evidence that allegedly proves you’re not the wise, kind-hearted soul people have made you out to be. In fact, in many ways, you might kind of be a selfish jerk. Do you have any general thoughts about this before we dig into the evidence?

Linus: While I live my life to the best of my ability and hope that others find me to be an upright person, I cannot help what others think of me, and I cannot change who I am simply because of their thoughts. To quote the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu, “Care about what other people think, and you will always be their prisoner.”

Snow in Southtown: OK, but last Thanksgiving, your buddy Charlie Brown found himself in a tough situation when your friend group decided to hold a Friendsgiving event at Charlie’s house. The problem is that his parents (as usual) were not going to be around to help host this event. Yet YOU told him it would be fine. You said he could serve toast and popcorn as a Thanksgiving MEAL. Have you actually HAD a Thanksgiving meal? Did you honestly believe that your friends would’ve been OK with this stuff being served?

Linus: Toast and popcorn could have been a grand banquet among imaginative children, especially since the true feast was our enduring friendship. I encouraged Charlie Brown in organizing this special event, and he proved himself capable — with the help of his dog Snoopy — by pulling it off. I was proud of good ol’ Charlie Brown and the part I played.

Snow in Southtown: As expected, your friends didn’t appreciate it. Why didn’t you give Charlie better advice? Like, I don’t know, maybe, “Have your parents call these kids’ guardians, and tell them that you had other plans”? Maybe you could’ve suggested that he turn it into a potluck. Do you feel slightly responsible for how it all went down?

Linus: I would ask you to take this up with Peppermint Patty, the only person who actually complained, but she apologized when she learned she was in the wrong. I have already forgotten the traditional meal we ate at Charlie Brown’s grandmother’s condominium, but I and everyone present will remember sitting at that ping-pong table forever. As you may have heard, man cannot live by bread alone. This also goes for boys and girls and Thanksgiving meals.

Snow in Southtown: At Christmas, do you feel like you supported Charlie enough when it mattered the most?

Linus: Yep.

Snow in Southtown: I mean, you basically doubted his tree the whole time, and sure, you gave a little speech to try to avoid a nativity rumble. But you really didn’t publicly support him until everyone else decided they liked Charlie’s tree. Could you have been a better friend during the tree selection process itself?

Linus: Charlie Brown is an interesting person, but his behavior doesn’t always translate well in social situations. He ignored the wishes of his friends when choosing a tree, and I tried to talk him out of it to save him even more embarrassment. I personally didn’t care, since I didn’t think we needed a tree at all, aluminum or otherwise. When Charlie Brown started screaming at the cast and projecting his psychological issues onto his friends, I tried to calm poor Charlie Brown down by reminding him of what Christmas was all about. If he weren’t so Charlie Browny, he could have danced and had fun at the rehearsals like everyone else. When I joined in the dancing with everyone else, it was in the hopes that Charlie Brown would follow my lead. When Charlie Brown abandoned the play, we all followed him to make sure he wasn’t alone during this dark moment. I realized the only way to make him feel happy was to resurrect this tree, which had become a symbol for him. I really didn’t think it was such a bad little tree. I wasn’t lying about that. But mostly I was trying to help Charlie Brown. We all were. I don’t like to think of what would have happened to Charlie Brown that night if it weren’t for his good friend Linus.

Snow in Southtown: On Valentine’s Day, Charlie expressed hope for the future, thinking there’s a chance that he could receive more valentines next year. You immediately shut him down and told him not to be so optimistic. What kind of friend even does that?

Linus: Once again, I was helping him. Charlie Brown has unrealistic expectations when it comes to things like valentines and Christmas cards and even mailboxes in general. I once heard that he even waited by his mailbox for Thanksgiving. What was he expecting? A turkey card? Just a little joke, but an original one, if I do say so myself.

Snow in Southtown: OK, how do you feel about making Sally Brown miss tricks or treats last Halloween?

Linus: Sally made the wise decision to wait with me in the pumpkin patch for the Great Pumpkin. It was a sincere pumpkin patch, nothing but sincerity as far as the eye could see, and in spite of her scolding me afterward because she missed tricks or treats, I know that she will think back on the beauty and stillness of that starry night and realize that she would much rather wait with me in the pumpkin patch for the Great Pumpkin next year than participate in the crass practice of begging adults for candy bars, quarters, and packages of gum.

Snow in Southtown: I don’t know. We’ve heard rumors that she will soon be filing a civil suit seeking restitution. Do you agree that you owe her anything?

Linus: Wasn’t it the English poet George Herbert who said, “Speak not of my debts unless you wish to pay them”? Well, wasn’t it?

Snow in Southtown: Who knows. But more importantly, did you eat the candy that your sister collected for you that night? That seems unfair of you, and I believe you should’ve given that candy to Sally. Thoughts?

Linus: It was Sally’s choice to miss tricks or treats, and it was Lucy’s choice to collect candy for me. It would be wrong of me to sully either of their choices by doing otherwise than what I did.

Snow in Southtown: What is your take on last year’s “Easter Beagle” incident? I acknowledge that you kind of got lucky, since technically a beagle did come around throwing eggs. But we all know that it was just Snoopy, the beagle who hangs around with your friends every day. And the eggs were all the ones that your friends had prepared. He stole eggs from you and gave them back. And he’s NOT the Easter Beagle. Have you not learned your lesson about deceiving your friends following the Great Pumpkin debacle?

Linus: “Debacle”?! What do you mean “debacle”? Sure, the Great Pumpkin didn’t visit me this last time, but that doesn’t mean he won’t come. You’ll see. Just like the Easter Beagle came. Why does everyone think something doesn’t exist just because Charlie Brown’s dog happens to be a beagle? There was an Easter Beagle, and there most certainly is a Great Pumpkin! Oh, ye of little faith! Sure, I’d love to see the Great Pumpkin with my own eyes, but blessed are those who do not see and yet believe. What do you even believe in at all, asking these questions? I’d like to know. I’d like to know! I’ll take one more question only.

Snow in Southtown: OK, fine. On New Year’s Eve, while Charlie was on the front porch sleeping, exhausted from reading Tolstoy and cramming for his assignment, YOU danced with his crush! As his best friend, the Little Red-Haired Girl should be off limits, yet you danced with her the first chance you got. Do you have an explanation for this? Are you an animal?

Linus: First, about the book report, I read both War and Peace and Crime and Punishment, on my own, in first grade. I don’t see why Charlie Brown was so overwhelmed when he was assigned these books, something anyone our age should be able to read over a weekend. As for the “little red-haired girl,” I know that Charlie Brown has always admired Heather, but if it weren’t for me, he wouldn’t even know her name. As Charlie Brown’s best friend, I felt it was my duty to dance with Heather in his absence. If he really liked her, he would want her to have fun at the New Year’s dance and not be lonely. But I wonder if he does really like her, and I admit that I worry about Charlie Brown’s unhealthy obsessions. Sigmund Freud was able to distinguish obsession from phobia, but he did find a relationship between the two, and Charlie Brown could have been a textbook patient.

Snow in Southtown: Thanks for your time, Linus. Any final thoughts that you’d like to share to defend yourself?

Linus: In the book of Daniel, when King Nebuchadnezzar threatened to throw Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego into the fiery furnace if they did not bow down to his golden statue, their answer to his threat was, “We have no need to present a defense to you in this matter.” And although I have indeed defended myself today, I did so for anyone else who may find themselves in my situation and not for myself alone. Whether I am delivered from my accusers or not, I will not bow down before their false accusations, which are like idols to them. In the words of Martin Luther at the Diet of Worms, “Here I stand. I can do no other.”