If you listened to our podcast this year, especially our Christmas horror episode (S3E7), you’ll know that I didn’t get to a few new horror films that I’d been wanting to watch. So over the next two days, I’ll be watching Christmas horror and will post some quick thoughts here, similar to the marathon we did this fall. I’ll be here through Monday night and will add reviews here as I go.
Black Christmas (1974) – 10/10 – This is my favorite Christmas horror movie, and I usually watch it to wrap up the season each year. If you’ve somehow never watched it, then you should. You can see specific scenes that would inspire Halloween in 1978, while director Bob Clark also shows that can establish a Christmas mood, which would later help his other holiday masterpiece, 1983’s A Christmas Story. For example, I love his house shots at the opening of Black Christmas and the closing of A Christmas Story (picture below). I’ll try to watch the two remakes by tomorrow if I can.
Now I have a confession to make: In our horror episode, we reviewed Deadly Games, and then I talked a bit about The Last Drive In on Shudder. It turns out that I completely missed the Christmas episode of my favorite show last year, where Joe Bob actually showed Deadly Games. (It aired the night that we recorded our last two episodes last year, and I was too busy to catch the archive. I only realized recently that I’d never gone back to it.) The show also screened Christmas Evil (1980) that night, so now I’m finally watching the full double feature…
The Last Drive In: Deadly Games (1989) – 9/10 – Joe Bob Briggs provides a lot of insight into this film that we liked a lot. He explains the Minitel system (probably better than I did), he gives background info on the actors and filmmakers (as usual), and he addresses the film’s similarities with Home Alone. He also extensively analyzes the Bonnie Tyler song, which I appreciated. Up next is Christmas Evil…
Christmas Evil (1980) – 7/10 – I hadn’t seen this one in years, so it was fun to revisit here. I didn’t know the original title was You Better Watch Out, which I personally think is better. I also learned from JBB that podcast favorite John Waters heavily promoted this movie throughout the ’80s and ’90s, helping it find its audience. I honestly liked it more this time, compared to the first couple of times I watched it years ago. The horror aside, there are some great Christmas-y visuals and music. But Harry is also a fun killer Santa, and the ending is amazing. Moving on to newer stuff now…
Silent Night (2021) – 4/10 – Keira Knightley (from our favorite film, Love Actually) hosts a bunch of terrible people (her friends) at her house for Christmas, and everyone knows that an apocalyptic event will kill them all tonight. Well, glad I waited until after Christmas to watch this one. The acting is OK, the music is fine, and it kind of feels like Christmas at times. But no thanks. For a Christmas movie, I’ll take Love Actually over this. The final second is the best part, and if there weren’t kids involved, I’d call it a happy ending.
Black Friday (2021) – 4/10 – OK, it’s not the worst movie ever made, but someone finally made a Black Friday horror movie, and we deserved something much better than this. It’s all the cliches about corporate making money, while minimum wage employees do all the work and sacrifice spending time with their families. And of course, the shoppers are terrible, and becoming zombies only makes them slightly worse. This is everything we’d expect, but it feels like minimum effort from everyone involved, aside from Robert Kurtzman, whose effects are wonderful, as always. This could’ve been a pretty good 25-minute short.
The Advent Calendar (2021) – 5/10 – It’s like the Wishmaster made an advent calendar, and sacrifices have to be made for the protagonist to get the things she wants. It’s not consistently good, but overall it’s pretty fun and mostly kept me interested. Not much of a Christmas movie, aside from taking place in December and being based on an advent calendar.
Christmas Presence (2018) – 4/10 – The script is a mess, the character development is all over the place, and none of it is very interesting, despite all of this being avoidable on any budget. However, the film does manage to create a pretty fun atmosphere, and it had far more scares than any of the three new movies I watched yesterday. Not bad to watch once, alone in the dark.
The Gingerdead Man (2005) – 2/10 – Why did I do this to myself? I’ve seen this movie before. I even owned it at one point. But I’m sorry to let you know that Gary Busey as a killer gingerbread cookie just doesn’t make a good movie, as shocking as that may be. Imagine several adults being trapped in a bakery all night because there is ONE evil gingerbread cookie in there. The best part is that the 70-minute runtime includes 10 minutes of credits.
Anna and the Apocalypse (2017) – 6/10 – This is fine. I totally appreciate the effort, and it was probably a blast to make it. But ultimately it feels like a Disney Channel executive saw Shaun of the Dead and was inspired to make a musical. As a musical, it’s a 7, and as a zombie movie, it’s a 5. The closing titles animation is probably my favorite part.
Silent Night, Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out (1989) – 2/10 – The original film is a great Christmas slasher, but the sequels are all pretty rough. The first hour of this one is basically people driving and looking for other people. Ricky is back as the killer, and there’s a psychic blind girl who can see what he sees. It’s one of the most boring slashers you’ll ever see. I deserve an award for powering through it.
All the Creatures Were Stirring (2018) – 1/10 – Horror Christmas anthology… of crap. I knew I’d hate this one for a number of reasons and have been putting it off, but I’m kind of glad I finally made myself watch it, just to be fair. The writers/directors know what horror movies are supposed to look like, but they have no idea about how to properly execute it. And I guess doing enough character development for a feature length was too overwhelming, so they squeezed five stories (and the wrap around) into 80 minutes. At one point, and I’m serious, we are watching a movie about people who are watching a movie about a guy who is watching a movie.
To All a Goodnight (1980) – 5/10 – I’d somehow never seen this. It’s kind of like a Black Christmas meets Prom Night or Terror Train, as a sorority Christmas prank goes wrong, and two years later, someone dressed as Santa is killing everyone to get revenge. Veteran horror actor David Hess directed this one, and he clearly struggled with lighting, among other things. But the gore effects are not bad, and there are some fun early slasher archetypes utilized. (Note: Like Friday the 13th, which was released a few months later, this movie has a “crazy” character named Ralph. There is also another similarity between the two films at the end, which I won’t spoil.)
Don’t Open Till Christmas (1984) – 4/10 – This time, the victims are the ones dressed as Santa! The effects aren’t very good in this one, but there are some decent Christmas visuals, and the music is OK sometimes. I’m against guns in slashers, so it loses points there, but things get really weird when the killer takes a Christmas hostage. And then we end up at… a Caroline Munro concert?! I used to think it’d be cool to visit London during Christmastime, but after watching this movie, I think I’ll just stay home.
And I think that will bring this Christmas Horror Fest to a close. I managed to get through 13 films in two days, and the killer Santas are all kind of starting to blur together. Thanks to everyone who followed along, and I’ll see you for whatever crazy idea I come up with next!
Snow in Southtown Christmas Podcast 